dirty golf quotes
After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Jim Murray. ", Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Ben Hogan. Toggle Navigation Menu . Golfing? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Two rounds a day are plenty. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Any birdie will do. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Knock, knock when we were married," said the pouting wife. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! How the heck did that happen? 3. Jack Burke, Every golfer worthy of the name should have some acquaintance with the principles of golf course design, not only for the betterment of his game but for his own selfish enjoyment. They expect to succeed! Andy. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Do you know what the Lama says? Please read here for more information. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Required fields are marked *. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. They like cricket better. Mini Golf Captions. Bruce Lansky. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Required fields are marked *. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Damn, my shaft's all bent. Why dont grasshoppers play golf? "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. I like big putts and I cannot lie. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Why did the golfer have to change his socks? I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Your email address will not be published. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Two, be your own person. Chip Shot. fodrizzle. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Happy Gilmore. Such is the game. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? Sir W.G. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Boo. . Laugh more: Amusing Jokes To Tell Your Friends, What do you call a lion playing golf? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. 5. Always keep learning. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? It was glorious when you did! Because all the other four letter words were taken. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. When hes not on the green, you can find him wishing that he was Fortunately hes happy tojust chat about it here until the next time. Oh my God, what have I just said?". A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. 2. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. You must remember not to remember to think. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Its just really hard to play. Because her coach was a pumpkin. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Does a bear crap in the woods? Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Id cry too if I played golf like you. clubs. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Because they might get a slice. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf You okay with that? Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. You hit down to make the ball go up. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). So that you can share them back, with the whole world. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". 6. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. What is a golfers favorite bird? Clubbing. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Required fields are marked *. Fore! It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. On the Green In Two. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Basketball is a sport for black men. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? 7. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. I'll let you beat me. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Golf is like doing your taxes. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Tahiti who? The end. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Please add a link to this article. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. I never prayed that I would make a putt. Just in case they get a slice! Do you share these funny golf jokes? Are you into kinky stuff? 1. Hank Aaron, Golf, golf, golf is all the story! "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Harry Vardon, There is no movement in golf that cannot be made more difficult through diligent study and practice. 20. 2. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. 1. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't: 10. P.G. Check it out now! What are a golfers favorite flowers? I'm Tiger Woods. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Funny Family Poems. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? Wash your balls. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! So I thought I should start a website about jokes. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe.